Sunday, August 31, 2014

Catching Up

By Rich

Dear Time,

We need a confab. Yes, right here on this public Interweb column. I think everyone out there should know what you've been doing over the last few months. Don't look at me like that! You can't tell me you haven't been shaving off several seconds, if not whole hours, from the summer. You're worse than Jimmy the Greek. Yes, I'll wait until the Millennials look the name up on Google.

You've chiseled away more portions of the summer than a professional bodybuilder on Red Bull and steroids. Between my trip to Costa Rica, prepping for the new school year and some medical items to address, my schedule has been torn into shreds and discarded in the incinerator of life. I've barely written any new material, the to-do list for Northern Colorado Writers and Wooden Pants Publishing is several arms long and my email queue hasn't cracked the below 300 mark in weeks. I'd pull the hair out of my head if there was any left.

I'm not sure why you pulled so many stretches of consecutive numbers out of the summer. Yes, many of us parents wished for school to get back in session the minute it ended, but that's not a valid reason for what you did. And I'm not the only one complaining. Many of us writers went to bed on June 1st and woke up on September 1st. Sure, some did this due to a massive benders where they woke up in the middle of the International Space Station snuggling next to a pig. Yet the rest of us were just going about our daily business when you pulled the minutes and hours away from us.

Now we need to waste the glorious days of late summer-early fall clearing out our email queues and writing thousands of words at one sitting and 15 extra large coffees. This doesn't mean you'll add the seconds back onto the clock. Frankly, I have a feeling you'll strip even more numbers out. Before we know it we'll be wishing each other a Happy New Year.

We'd like to work with you, Time. How about giving us those infinitely long minutes that passed by during our days in elementary school, or those elongated hours we experienced during uncomfortable blind dates? Maybe you can transfer some seconds from the early morning hours to the daytime. Heck, we barely sleep anyway! In exchange for this restoration, we'll make sure we use you wisely and don't waste any seconds on reorganizing junk drawers or watching a marathon of Rehab Addict. Unless, of course, we're watching the show for research purposes.

Work with us, Time. Help us creatives meet our deadlines and become successful folk.

With much respect and several minutes behind

Rich Keller

How did you and Time work together this summer?

Self promotion alert: You have until September 3rd to pick up a FREE copy of Paradise Not Quite Lost for your Kindle. It's a tale for those of you who enjoy science fiction, romance, comedy, would-be-galactic conquerors with a hankering for sugary snacks.


Patricia Stoltey said...

Rich, great post as usual. You hit the nail on the head for me, too. That many thousand words a day and multiple cups of coffee routine starts for me right after the Colorado Gold conference. I'm always motivated then, so I need to take advantage of that wonderful kick in the pants.

Sarah Sullivan said...

Rich, Thank you for giving that time a talking to!!! I don't know why (s)he has to be so hard on us. Now, can you do something about global warming?

Jenny said...

Time crumpled up the entire month of July and threw it in my face like an angry editor. But thanks for asking :-) And Happy New Year (I just wanted to be the first).

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