It didn't used to be this way. During the olden days, when men were chaste and women really ruled the world, book titles were short and to the point. Yet, what if they weren't? What if the titles of some of the classics were just as long as today's? Well, you don't have to wonder too much, because I have a list of what some of these titles would've been. Here are a few examples that you can read while finishing your Venti latte.
The Old Man and the Sea: How One Man Wasted an Entire Day on One Fish and Probably Got Skin Cancer
Moby Dick: How One Man Wasted an Entire Lifetime on One Whale and Probably Got Skin Cancer and Bettle Rot
A Christmas Carol: The Story of One Man in the Early Stages of Dementia
Gone With the Wind: The Many Ways to Wear Drapes After Your City is Lit on Fire by Union Soldiers
Robinson Crusoe: One Man's Dream of Living Alone on an Island Without Wife, Children, or a Volleyball Named Wilson
Charlie & the Chocolate Factory: One Man's Goal to Become the Purveyor of Childhood Diabetes and Obesity Across the Globe
The Lord of the Flies: The Best Ways to Stick a Pig's Head on a Stake
The Hobbit: How to Remain Healthy and Shoe-less on Seven Meals a Day
The Odyssey: What Not to do With a Dead Albatross
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone: How England's Child Welfare Department Failed in Their Duties
And finally ...
50 Shades of Gray: How Not to Write an Erotic Novel
What other titles can you come up with?
The title of Rich Keller's first novel, Paradise Not Quite Lost, is pretty short. The title of his irst self-published short story anthology, Tales From the Coffee Cup: Stories Inspired by Overheard Conversations at the Coffee House, is a bit longer,